What You Don't See (Prussia)
by FudgeStripeCookies
Summary: (Germany POV) I sat there, next to my brother thinking, why? It was all I could think, why? What lead him to do such a thing? No one had ever imagined he would ever do that. "Why, brother?" I whispered as I watched Prussia.
1. Chapter 1

**-Prussia's Point of View-**

West had left to the World Meeting leaving the awesome me alone. I walked around the house bored out of my mind wondering what to do.

"I could get drunk" I thought aloud "but what kind of person gets drunk in the afternoon, that's so unawesome."

I walked into the living room to see what I could find.

"Hmm, maybe I can go annoy that stuck up prick, Austria" I mused silently "oh, but he's at that stupid meeting too."

I sighed softly. "Maybe I could go hang out with Spain and France" I thought happily "But they're at the meeting too."

"I should have gone to the meeting with West" I scolded myself "It surely beats staying here alone with nothing to do."

I sighed in defeat closing my eyes and slumping on to the couch "But what would have been the point, I'm not a country anymore, I have no business to do there."

I closed my eyes feeling that all those horrible feelings run through me again.

That feeling of uselessness.

That feeling of stupidity.

That feeling of loneliness.

That feeling of defeat.

That feeling of the utter nothingness that I have become.

"Why?!" I shouted aloud covering my face with my hands feeling as though I was being crushed.

I was once so great.

What happened to me?

I was once the great empire of Prussia. I was once that strong and feared nation. What has become of me?

I felt as tears threatened to explode from my eyes. Do I even have meaning anymore? Does anyone even remember my empire? Can I survive on my own now?

My mind told me, "Who cares? You're too awesome." But then my heart whispered, "You do, stupid…"

I was once the great empire of Prussia.

I was once so powerful and feared.

I was independent, I needed no one.

I had everything I wanted in the palm of my hands.

The tears were now rolling free from my eyes, slowly sliding down my cheek, dripping on my shirt.

What has become of me? Who am I now?

I had raised West into the man he is now.

He had depended on me.

He is my little brother.

Now look at us now.

My country now dissolved.

And my life depends on him now.

I'm useless to him now.

I bet he only cares for me out of pity.

I swallowed hard choking on my tears.

Hungary, who I love.

I had been planning to tell her how I felt.

My pride always getting in the way.

When I finally got the courage, it was too late.

That prick, Austria, had proposed.

At their wedding, when they had said "Those who oppose, speak now or forever hold your peace." I stood up grabbing everyone's attention.

I sat back down though, never told her.

Now all I am to her is a nuisance.

I felt my heart throb.

Spain and France, my best friends.

I used to own their asses.

We used to hang out all the time.

But I am no longer a country and they are.

They're always busy.

And I'm left alone.

I felt my throat tighten up.

When will I die? I am no longer a country? How am I still alive? Why didn't I disappear like Rome or grandpa Germania?

The thought dawned on me, slowly I got up and made my way to the kitchen.

Can I die?

Once in the kitchen I slowly opened the drawer. Pulled out a shiny silver knife and saw my reflection.

This is what I have become. No one notices. It's because they don't care.

I pulled up my sleeve, revealing my previous cuts on my wrist. These cuts were never deep enough to kill. They were just my way of easing my pain.

Now with the new thought in my mind, can i die? I slowly slid the knife over my wrist opening it once again. I watched as blood slowly began to peer out of my skin.

I'm useless.

Cut

I'm nothing.

Cut

No one will ever understand.

Cut

No one even cares.

Cut

I closed my eyes feeling the pain in my wrist. Feeling the blood come out.

I continued cutting, each time deeper than before.

Why do I proclaim myself to be awesome? I want to feel like I mean something still.

Slowly feeling dizzy from lack of blood.

Slowly my vision blurred from lack of blood.

Slowly losing consciousness from the pain I felt from lack of blood.


	2. Chapter 2

****-Germany's Point of View-****

**I finally arrived home, annoyed out of my mind. What is the point of these idiotic meetings, if nothing was ever done? On top of that Spain and France decided to come pay my brother a visit because they haven't seen him in a while. They are really annoying going on and on about random crap. **

**I made my way to the front door trailed by France and Spain. I unlocked it then slowly opened the door. **

**"****Prussia! Where are you? Spain and France came to visit." I announced loud enough to be heard in the entire house. France and Spain had wandered in to find Prussia. I put my coat in the closet and was about to make my way upstairs when I heard a shriek come from the kitchen. It was France, but why?**

**I quickly ran to the kitchen and saw exactly why. There on the floor, with blood all over laid my brother, unconscious. I saw the knife next to him. I saw his wrist. Yet it took a while for me to process. **

**…****.**

**There's a knife.**

**His wrist is cut.**

**He's on the floor unconscious. **

**What happened?**

**Then it finally hit me as I stood there while Spain and France were on the floor attempting to wake him up. He tried to kill himself, but why?**

**"****Prussia, wake up! This isn't funny!" France cried. **

**"****Come on amigo! What kind of prank is that?!" Spain yelled shaking Prussia hoping he would get up. **

**I quickly pulled the two idiots off, thank God Italy wasn't here. It would have made everything more difficult. **

**I yelled at France to call for the ambulance. I sent Spain to get my the first aid kit. I grabbed a hold of his wrist as tight as I could to somehow stop the bleeding. "Fuck Prussia, what were you thinking?" I muttered under my breath. **

**I heard an agitated France on the phone with the operator begging them to hurry up. I heard Spain's hurried steps coming down the stairs with the first aid kit. I was waiting for Prussia to just pop up with his annoying laugh. I was waiting to hear "Kesesese, you fell for it West! You should have seen your face!" Looking down at his face, paler than usual. His wrist and hand, cold. But I didn't want to accept that this was happening.**

**Spain came running in with the first aid kit quickly pulling bandages from the box. He tossed them to me and i caught them. Quickly I wrapped it around Prussia's wrist, as tight as I possibly could. France barged in a couple seconds later informing us the ambulance would come soon. **

**I held onto Prussia's wrist tightly as the bleeding slowly stopped. France and Spain hovered awkwardly above me, their faces full of anxiety and concern. I kept my poster, my stoic expression, but in the inside I could was breaking down. Each passing second felt like an eternity and I worried more and more. As if with each passing second Prussia was farther and farther away from being saved.**

**The paramedics finally arrived barging through the house and Spain had yelled for them to come to the kitchen. There they lifted Prussia up on the stretcher and whisked him away to the hospital. I sent Spain and France home and I left with Prussia. **

**In the ambulance I watched as the two nurses checked him over. He was now connected to a heart monitor beeping slowly. They continued to mumble, one writing down what the other told him. I completely muted them out with only one thought in my head, why Prussia?**


	3. Chapter 3

I was sitting in my brother's room waiting for him to wake up. It was "family only" visits since he had gotten out of surgery. Apparently he had cut something pretty bad and needed emergency surgery to fix it.

The room was deathly silent, not a sound to be heard. I watched Prussia's chest heave slowly up and down. His silver-white hair didn't seem to shine the way it used to. His pale skin had now turned ghostly white. It hurt me deeply to see him like that.

I sat there, next to my brother thinking, why? It was all I could think, why? What lead him to do such a thing? No one had ever imagined he would ever do that. "Why, brother?" I whispered as I watched Prussia.

He seemed so happy. He seemed so content with his life. He always had the stupid idiotic smile. He seemed to always have fun. But was it all just a mask to cover up what he felt?

I rubbed my face, feeling my eyes burn. He did it to himself, he wasn't forced. He was hurting but hid it. He was in pain but disguised it with his false cheerfulness.

If I would have asked, would we be here now?

If I would have dragged him to the meeting, would he be fine?

If I would have come home late, would he be dead?

I should have noticed it. I should have seen something was up.

I exhaled a shaky breath as tears threatened emerge from my eyes. He was all the family I had, my older brother. What would I do without him? Yeah, he could be annoying.

I placed my chair closer to his bed. I picked up his freezing cold hand. I put it against my cheek. Closing my eyes i remember when I was younger. When I was vulnerable and he would go to all lengths to protect me. When his crimson red eyes glowed with love as he looked over me, protecting me from all the dangers of the world. When he would carry my on his shoulders. When he would hug me. When he sacrificed himself for me after World War II, taking the blame, his country dissolved so I could stay alive.

The tears had began to pour out of my eyes against my will. This time it was my turn to protect him. It was my turn to care for him. I failed. Look where we're at. In a hospital, after finding him with slit wrist because I failed.

I failed protecting him the way he did for me.


	4. Chapter 4

**-France Point of View-**

I sat in the waiting room with a couple of other nations. After Germany had kicked us out, Spain had become hysterical. He was so terrified, expecting the worse and ran off somewhere, surely telling everyone what had happened. I left to England's house, attempting to take my mind off of what had happened. Trying to start a bickering contest against him was futile though. I couldn't come up with any comebacks, I was just wondering if Prussia was alright. In the end I just walked out, ditching England without saying a word.

I glanced over to see the other nations, Italy's easygoing personality had become worried. Romano was taking care of a crying Spain. Japan stood silently next to Italy, refraining to speak like always. Austria stood in the back comforting a distraught Hungary.

I stood up frustrated like hell. I went back to the nurse to ask her the same questions only to get the same response.

"Can I go see my friend now?"

"Sorry sir, family only."

"Can you at least tell me how he's doing!?"

"No sir."

Stupid family only rule. Closing my eyes I thought of Prussia. It didn't seem like him to do such a stunt. "That is such an unawesome thing to do. The Awesome Prussia would never go to such low levels!" I imagined him stating proudly. But my imagination was wrong. There in one of those medical rooms is where you can find him. In that room unconscious after attempting to kill himself. I slowly slid back in my chair waiting an eternity to see my best friend, a member of our trio. I waited to see if my friend was alright my mind running slowly through my memory of him.

"My biggest fear? That's easy. I'm afraid of God killing me because my awesomeness had become so great it started to threaten the existence of humanity!"

"Kesesese, you don't want to fight against The Awesome Prussia! Not unless you are ready to die!"

"Prussia, you better have a good explanation for this after you get out." I mumbled to myself.

**-Spain Point of View-**

I watched as France had tried once again to talk to the nurse. It was useless, everyone got turned down. I had long started ignoring Romano's comforting words, if you could call them comforting.

I closed my eyes, remembering walking into the kitchen again. Germany had stayed in the hallway calling out loudly for Prussia. France and I walked into the kitchen, towards the fridge, and do our usual digging. I was mindlessly walking thinking of Romano behind France. Then suddenly France yanked on my arm. Turning I looked into his bewildered eyes. He pointed down at Prussia, laid out on the floor. "Don't worry mi amigo." I brushed of uncaringly, "I bet he's just trying to prank us." I got down and shook him a little to wake him up, nothing. I tried tickling him, not even a giggle or smile. "Prussia you're so lame and unawesome!" I snickered trying to push his buttons. Nothing, I got worried. France was observing searching for a clue that would answer his question, what' going on? We finally noticed the knife next to him and his bleeding wrist. France shrieked loudly grabbing Germany's attention who was now in the kitchen with us.

"Hey bastard," Romano said plainly bringing me back to reality, "the potato bastard is came out." I hurriedly jump out my chair to Germany. He looked so calm as if nothing was going on, but his red swollen eyes told another story. "~Ve! Germany are you okay?" Italy jumped hugging Germany tightly. Slowly a little group formed around him awaiting the news. Austria with Hungary, Italy hugging Germany. Japan standing silently next to Italy. France next to me. Romano standing awkwardly behind me. Each asking if Germany was okay.

"So how is he?" France finally asked.

"Umm, the doctor said he would be fine, but he'll have to stay here for a while. They're going to evaluate his mental health and keep him under suicide watch." Germany answered wearily.

"Suicide watch?" Hungary thought aloud.

"Yeah." Germany said rubbing his face gently.

"Why can't we go in?" I asked exasperated.

"Prussia had gotten out of surgery so it's family only. I'll call you guys when they switch his room so you can visit." he replied tiredly.

The little group dispersed, each getting ready to leave. France had left with Austria and Hungary while Romano was trying to drag me out the waiting room to no avail. Germany was talking with Japan and Italy when I finally left.


	5. Chapter 5

**-Prussia Point of View-**

I woke up looking into a bright light. First thought that came to my mind, am I dead? My vision adjusted to the light as I slowly became aware of my surroundings. I was in a bed, in a pasty white room. There was a strong medicine smell in the air. I heard the beeping of a machine. I slowly got up into a sitting position when I felt light headed. I just decided to stay down. I felt so weak, my wrist was killing me. I felt cold and my throat burned for water. My vision blurred a bit and i felt somewhat numb. I wondered where I was and why I felt so weak, then it hit me. I was in the hospital, West found me in the kitchen.

"Can I have water?" I barely managed to choke out in a hoarse voice.

"Brother?" I heard Germany respond with a worn out voice yet so full of relief.

"West, give me some water please." I said, each word making my throat burn more and more.

West came to me, avoiding my eyes. He sat at the edge of my bed. Slowly he helped me sit up handing me a cup of water. I swallowed slowly, feeling the ice cold water extinguish the fire in my throat. I sighed of relief though it was barely audible. He took the cup from my hands, placing it on the table. He still avoided my eyes, avoided my face.

"How long was I out?" I asked hoarsely.

"Like a day or two." he answered plainly.

"Oh." I responded trying to avoid any awkward silent pauses.

"Spain and France had come to visit when we found you." Germany began with a hurt tone "We found you on the kitchen floor."

"Okay, I didn't…."

"We called for an ambulance and they brought you here" Germany interrupted ignoring what I was going to say. "You needed emergency surgery on your wrist, it was a pretty deep cup."

"Okay, anyway, I didn't…"

"Spain, accompanied by Romano, France, Italy, Japan and Hungary accompanied by Austria came to visit but it's family only so I sent them home when the nurse wouldn't let them in." Germany continued ignoring me once again.

"Really?" I asked. Hungary came to visit? That shocked me. And even Austria came with her? That was mind blowing.

"France and Spain are really worried." he said bringing me back to reality.

So people came to visit me. They wanted to see if I was okay. It touched my heart a bit to see that they cared. I looked at West, who was still avoiding my eyes, my face. There was an awkward silence as I waited. I was waiting to hear him. His lecture on how stupid I was. His lecture on how irresponsible, simple minded, obnoxious, annoying and every other thing he thought of me, but it never came. He refused to look at my face.

"Prussia…" Germany started thinking of what to say.

"Yeah West?" I replied thinking here it comes.

"Why would you do that?" Germany asked, his voice full of sadness and worry.

"Umm, I was just try…." I stopped before I could continue.

Germany looked at me straight in my eyes. His usual cold, hard, unemotional eyes were full of sadness and heartbreak. His eyes were bloodshot red and swollen from crying. He had bags under his eyes. His hair wasn't even slicked back like usual.

"I'm sorry West." I barely whispered looking down at my lap. I felt his gaze cutting down on me.

"I'm just glad I got home in time, before you…" he choked out then stopped. I looked back up to see his tears slowly down. When was the last time I had seen him cry?

He got up and moved closer to me. I closed my eyes expecting the worse. He pulled me into a hug. A warm hug. He hugged me gently afraid he would break me, as if I were a fragile piece of glass. I hugged him back, shocked to say the least.

"Ich liebe dich Preußen." He said inconsolably, "Don't ever scare me like that. I can't lose my brother, I still need you." He began to cry on my shoulder holding me tight as if I were going to disappear at any moment.


	6. Chapter 6

"So West does need me?" I thought as I watched him sleep awkwardly in the chair. I couldn't help but smile at the thought. "He even cried at the thought of me dying." I smirked, "I mean who wouldn't, I am The Awesome Prussia!" I laughed, old habits die hard.

I reached for a cup of water. As I grabbed it my went went numb and it slipped from my hand. "Are you okay?!" West woke up. "Yeah, my hand just went numb again." The doctor said that the numbing would slowly go away. "Why don't you use the other hand?" West asked me as if I were dumb. "Well because I forget and you always leave the cup on that side." I argued. He came and gave me another cup of water.

It's been three days since I woke up. West had stayed the whole time watching over me. He always made sure I was comfortable, excluding the awkward silence. The doctor said they would transfer my room today, which I was looking forward to. But first I will have to do a lot of random shit. Oh well.

"Let me check your wrist one more time." The doctor said quizzically. I gave him my wrist, extremely annoyed. It was the fifth time I don't think my wrist will suddenly explode or something, Gott. After he was done the doctor lead us to some exam rooms. I could feel it was going to be a long day.

First, we went to a the psychologist. I personally thought it was a waste of time. All we did was talk for a while, asking about me, what I like and so on. Then she me, the awesome me, take an IQ test. Then she showed me some weird blobs of ink called art and asked what I saw. Why was it a waste of time? I was diagnosed with depression, come on it wasn't rocket science. Jeez, why else would I cut myself. She prescribed some antidepressants to help me deal with my problem.

After that, I was signed up to suicide watch. It is a program where I go stay at a camp for a week. There I will learn to love myself for me and magically get out of depression. West signed me up against my will, so god damned uptight. No one will be allowed to visit. I'll be forced to eat cheap stale food. I will have to talk about my feelings and some other bullshit. Ugh, just put me in a cell.

Then I was finally in my new room. This room was actually decorated instead of just plain pasty white. It even had a window. This was nice.

**-Italy Point of View-**

Germany called today, he said we could finally visit. I called big brother Spain and big brother France, they were so happy to hear. I also called Miss Hungary, she seemed worry. I hurriedly cooked some pasta to take to Prussia. Mmm, pasta is so good.

I was finally done with the pasta so I called Japan.

"Hi Japan, want to go visit Germany and Prussia ?" I asked excitedly.

"Sure Mister Italy, but may I drive?" He asked

"Sure Japan." I smiled. We hung up and I waited until Japan arrived.

We drove to the hospital, it was very quiet. After we asked the nurse for the room number we made our way to the room. It felt like forever, I missed having Germany around. We took the elevator to the fifth floor. Then we made our way through the maze of hallways. We finally found the room, I'm was so excited.

I knocked on the door softly, "~Ve. Germany?"

"Come in." I barely heard through the door. I open the door slowly, walking in carefully followed by Japan. We saw Prussia sitting up in the bed watching TV with low volume. He smiled brightly when he saw us.

"Shhh, West finally fell asleep, don't make too much noise." He whispered to us.

"~Ve?" I was confused. Japan didn't really say anything.

"So, are France and Spain coming?" He asked curiously.

"Yeah! Big brother France said they would come as soon as possible!" I spoke loudly, waking up I Germany. I covered my mouth as soon as I heard Germany grunt.

Germany got up and I got so scared.

"~Ve! Germany I'm so sorry, please don't hurt me!"

"It's okay italy, don't worry." He said tiredly.

"Kesesese, West go back to sleep! You look far worse yuan me! Are you going to drop dead!?" Prussia laughed loudly. Germany only smiled.

"~Ve! I bought pasta!" I mused happily, remembering about the pasta.

"Really?" Prussia said almost jumping out the bed. "That so awesome, I'm done with this nasty hospital food."

"Germany, would you like some?"

"Yeah, thank you Italy."

"How about you Japan?"

"Yes Italy, I really appreciate it."

It was so much fun. We talked and talked and ate pasta. Prussia waited on pins and needles for big brother France and big brother Spain.

**-Prussia Point of View-**

I was waiting impatiently for Spain and France. I thought they weren't coming. I waited and waited. During that unawesome time if waiting I sent Germany home with Italy and Japan. He had barely slept worrying about me and he needed a shower. I waited alone in the room and there was nothing good on TV. I wish I was a kid, then they would have given me a video game or something. I waited and they finally come.

"Amigo!" Spain laughed out loud.

"Prussia!" France explained loudly.

"Hey guys!" I yelled excitedly. It was nice to see my friends again. "What took so long?"

"Oh sorry, we stopped by the gift shop." Spain responded pulling out a gift with balloons.

"Awesome!" I couldn't but yell.

"Hey don't forget about my gift!" France said shoving Spain's gift out the way.

We all just busted out laughing.

"Kesesese!"

"Hononon!"

"Fusososo!"

I opened the gifts happily as we talked. France began going on about some cute girls he had seen. Then Spain jumped in talking about tomatoes and Romano.

"She was such a beauty! I couldn't help it." France mused remembering this girl.

"When you flirted with her, did her cheeks get red like tomatoes?" Spain jumped in.

"Kesesese, did you hit it?" I joked.

"Hononon, do you know who I am?"

"Hey, where's Germany?" Spain asked softly.

"Yeah, did he yell able to you? Did he kick you out? Did the potato bastard hurt you?" France asked in a serious tone.

"No, don't worry. I sent him home to rest. He was an unawesome mess. He hadn't slept watching over me." I responded appreciating how West cared. It was really nice.

The doctor came in, ruining the fun environment. He came to check my wrist and how I was feeling. He sled I was I was felt any numbness or pain. He then left leaving a tense cloudy of awkwardness behind.

"How are you?" France asked worriedly.

"Oh, just some numbing that will go away and my wrist won't be as functional anymore." I answered indifferently.

"Functional?" Spain asked confused.

"Yeah, I won't be able to do much with this hand anymore. Like weights and exercise. It won't won't be able to support much weight anymore." I answered in my best lecturing tone.

"Oh, so when are you coming home?" Spain asked with a bit but of relief.

"In two weeks." I answered wishing this conversation would end.

"What? Why?" France asked shocked.

"Suicide watch, I have to attend to learn how to love myself."

"Oh, ok." They answered simultaneously.

We began to converse again, though the mood wasn't the same. Oh well.


	7. Chapter 7

The doctor came in this morning to check on me. First he took West out the room to talk for a bit, naturally worrying me to death. Then when their little conversation was over the doctor came in.

"Umm, where's my brother?" I asked suspiciously.

"Don't worry young man, he just ran home to pick some stuff up." He answered cheerfully. "Now let me take a look at your hand."

I reluctantly let him see my wrist wondering where West had gone to.

The doctor left so I was alone in the room. I closed my eyes to rest reflecting on the past two days since I was moved to this room. West had stayed with me the whole time, he only left when I told him to and now. France and Spain had come over twice, it was awesome to spend time with them. They asked me why I had tried to kill myself to which West hurriedly kicked them out. Yeesh, uptight much? Oh, and Hungary came too.I was so happy to see her, though surprised. The snobby young master came with her too, but it didn't bother me much. We had a nice conversation, awkward in some moments but still nice. Turns out she considered me a "best friend", maybe she really meant it or out of pity. Austria never said anything though.

"Prussia, wake up." West said shaking me up. Must have fallen asleep. "Start changing, the doctor said you could leave." He handed me some my clothes and pushed me into the bathroom.

"What do you mean West?" I asked completely baffled.

"Just take a shower and change. The doctor will be in in a bit to release you." He answered monotone. Guess the emotional West disappeared, darn.

"Seriously?!" I asked thrilled at the idea of finally going home.

I quickly took a shower and changed.

"Done!" I announced as I proudly walked into the room. I sat down next to West on the bed. He was watching the news.

"So West, what took so long? You only brought me clothes." I asked quizzically.

"Just had to buy some stuff for your homecoming." He brushed of unemotionally. "Ooh." I thought, "He bought me something!"

The doctor came in and checked my wrist one last time. He checked if all my medications were in order and if I was feeling well. Then he and West signed some papers and I was home free.

We made our way home, it was a relief to finally get out of there. The car ride was quiet as I watched everything fly by as West drove us home. When we arrived I hurriedly made my way to the door waiting for West to open it. When he opened the door I immediately ran in straight to the living room.

"Wow, Prussia!" I heard West snicker, "Happy to be home?"

"Kesesese! Shut up West! Don't judge me." I laughed.

"Well calm down and take a seat. I have something to give you." he said contently.

I sat down impatiently waiting for him to bring me whatever he bought me.

"Okay, close your eyes." he said demandly.

"But…" I whined

"Just do it." he said a little annoyed.

I heard some shuffling and then it got quiet.

"Open." I heard him say softly and cheerfully.

I opened and West showed me a cage with a little yellow fluffy bird. He looked exactly like Gilbird.

"I know he won't replace Gilbird, but I thought you would like to have a little friend around you like Gilbird." he said sympathetically. "He's a baby still, so you will need to be careful and feed him by hand." He said.

"West, shut up." I said pulling the little bird from the cage. "I know how to care for birds."

I remembered Gilbird, how he would always with me. It hurt when Russia squashed him.

"Thanks West." I said tear-eyed. "I love it."

"Also, I left a diary in your room, thought you would want to start writing once again." he said jokingly, "Like a silly junior high girl."

"Don't judge me!" I laughed with him.

"Anyway, you should go to bed now, tomorrow you have to go early." he sighed.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I'm backed up in work and need to catch up. Don't worry about me, just go to bed." he responded.

I made my way to my room with my new bird on my shoulder. "I'll call him Gilbird The Second." I thought in my head proudly. Once I got to my room, I put Gilbird The Second in his cage. As I got ready for bed I noticed the diary on my desk. I smiled. "I'll start tomorrow." I thought to myself. I tucked myself in bed and fell I was tired.

West woke me up early in the morning to drop me off to the camp. I took the diary but I wasn't allowed to take Gilbird with me. I packed my stuff and off we went. When we arrived I looked at the place. It looked like a mental asylum.

"Umm, West do I have to go?" I asked doubtfully.

"The doctor said it would help." I answered.

We got out the car and made our way inside. There West signed me in and the nurse whisked me away. She lead me to my room, a blank room. There was bed and a nightstand that was it. The walls were bare and grey. There was one barred window. She immediately began to dig through my stuff.

"Excuse me." I said upset. "Why are you going through my stuff?"

"To check if you have anything that you could harm yourself with." she answered blankly.

I was forced to stay there for nine days. It was always the same. Each morning wake up early and go eat breakfast. Then I had to go do some chores around the place. I wasn't allowed to have my medicine on me, a doctor had to give it to me. There were no sharp things around. I wasn't allowed call anyone. Anyway, there would be these group sessions to help each other. We would talk about our feelings and troubles. Then lunch and break time came and some more chores. Then another group session but this time on why we should love ourselves. Then off to bed, ready to repeat the cycle once again. I really hated it, and I was mad at West for sending me here in the first place. But he only wanted to help.

I heard plenty of stories of how some were there because they felt no one loved them. Others had no one on their side. Some came from troubled homes. It forced me to reflect about myself. Most of my depression came from being paranoid. Why don't I appreciate myself?

After nine days of torment passed West came to pick me up. I was relieved to finally leave. The nurses told West I was fine and that he didn't need to worry. It was obvious he was glad to hear that. I was on my way home and far away from this place. I love the awesome me, I have no idea what I was thinking.


	8. Chapter 8

**Epilogue **

Dear Diary,

It has been at least six months since I had that incident. Now reflecting on it I feel quite stupid. Why would I want to get rid of the awesome me? Things did change after it all occurred. West pays more attention to me now. I also hang out more often with Spain and France. I have been happier with everything I got and I'm grateful West found me on time. If I would have died everyone would have missed The Awesome Prussia. I didn't really do much today though, just spent my time strolling around in the garden. Ooh. Gilbird The Second is the most adorable thing ever. He would never replace Gilbird The First, but he's still nice to have around. I was thinking of writing down what I feel. I learned during suicide watch that it would help me feel better. So here it goes. My mind says, "Who cares? You're too awesome." But then my heart whispers, "You do, stupid…" You need to know that I'm a very insecure person, I have very low self-esteem and I'm not perfect. I am everything but perfect. I've made many mistakes in the past, and learned to live with them. I've learned to accept people for who they really are. Sometimes, I can't be bothered anymore. Sometimes I don't even want to be alive. The thing is, I have a million reasons to be alive but I haven't found them yet. I miss the people that I shouldn't even think about anymore. On the outside I am loud, obnoxious, hyperactive, always gloating. I boast myself and make myself seem on the inside I am self conscious. I am always thinking of the past. I am always trying to fit and be accepted. The reason I state I'm so awesome is because I'm afraid of being forgotten. I have been hurt many times. I'm not perfect. But this is me and there is nothing I can do to change it. Overthinking killed my happiness. Insecurities killed my self-esteem. Lies killed my trust. Stereotypes killed my individuality. And now judgement is killing me. Guess it does make me feel better.

"Prussia, are you done?" West asked annoyed.

"Yeah, I'm almost done." I smirked, "You should learn how to wait on the awesome me!"

"Oh shut up! Gott you can be so annoying." He sighed.

"But you still love the awesome me!" I responded proudly.

West smiled.

I jumped into bed next to West. I got comfortable and closed my eyes.

"Okay, you may start." I whispered.

"One sheep over the fence." he began in a relaxing voice. "Two sheep over the fence. Three sheep over the fence. Four sheep over the fence."

I yawned as West counted sheep. It was a nice little tradition we started. I began to slowly drift to sleep. It was nice to be the awesome me.

The End


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